Is it just me?
Crazy little things remind me of old feelings and make me feel weird in a lot of ways. Take today for example. This is the first time this year I dropped by a coffee shop to get my usual drink before heading to the office.
When I took the first sip, I remembered how good it tasted. I suddenly thought about the many times last year I had this same drink. Drinking it today made me feel nostalgic. I went down the memory lane at eight freakin’ a.m.
It’s so hard to ditch the coffee routine. When I started the year, I made a pledge to myself that I’d stop doing early coffee runs before heading to work because (1) it’s draining my purse, (2) it’s so addicting, and (3) it’s bad for my health.
When I tried a food delivery service last month, I didn’t even drink the coffee that comes with my daily breakfast. My uncle, over the holidays, sent over packs of my favorite Old Town Coffee and I had them kept in my stash of instant drinks (coffee, tea, cereal drinks) for when I needed them so bad.
Of course coffee is so good nobody can even say “no” for a long time. It’s like trying to suppress your feelings. It will come a time that you can no longer take it and you just have to give in.
So slowly, I started taking my coffee again. Not as much as before (READ: 3 to 4 times a day) and no longer on a daily basis. Sometimes, when I really want a drink, I drink tea instead.
Coffee is so tempting. Besides its great taste, it smells really good – so good that I am willing to make up an excuse disguised as a reward just to get myself a drink or two.
Ah, I can’t believe I’m writing about coffee even before I officially start working. It’s crazy. It’s because of that taste. It’s like I already forgot some feelings and then they all came rushing back when I took that first sip of my favorite drink. I feel crazy. Apologies.
I don’t know about others but I think there’s something intimate about going out for a coffee with people. We usually talk about things over dinner but like some people, I’m one of those who cap a meal – dinner usually – with a good cup of coffee (and sometimes dessert) because it feels incomplete without it.
Anyway. Taking a trip down the memory lane this morning reminded me of the many times I stayed at coffee shops. Back when I was a reporter, I had “go-to” coffee shops in all major cities and there’s one in Makati that has become my personal favorite.
It’s funny because I probably shared a lot of stories and realizations to certain people over coffee and it dawned on me that they must be really important, right? I am an awkward person (even though it doesn’t show). I don’t feel comfortable going out only with one person, except if that person is really someone very important to me, someone I really trust.
Time really does fly fast. Way back, I’d spend almost every other day having coffee with friends from work and outside. It’s so different now. So does my ability to restrain myself from going to coffee shops comes with the fact that I no longer have friends to drink with after work??? That’s a sad thought, ha.
Oh I still occasionally meet with people from my previous job to have coffee. The Mainstays have found a happy place in a crepe place that serves good coffee too. Well, a friend I met when I was still a reporter just invited me for coffee and I’d probably go soon. I’m actually a little afraid it’d be awkward since the last time I saw him was about two months ago and we went for coffee with another reporter. But anyway, I always grow out the awkwardness with this person because he’s totally nice and unassuming and real. So yes, coffee soon.
Going out for a coffee with someone isn’t something I do with a lot of people, as I have made clear. I think there’s a certain revelation involved when you aren’t busy eating and criticizing your meals; just drinking something and absorbing the taste and baring things — big or small — about yourself. (Another crazy thought).
Over coffee, we reveal our hidden feelings, our views, our thoughts, our beliefs; how we loved our grandmothers and couldn’t imagine life without them (I still couldn’t even though my lola died four months ago); how having pets in the household make it bearable even though the house is basically empty when you get home; how work, no matter how stressful, gives us a certain kind of fulfillment; and how trying out new things and going beyond our comfort zones make us feel excited and optimistic about life.
Too much feels for a Tuesday morning, eh? I probably have to finish this drink and start working.
Hay, coffee. You made me miss a lot of good things in the past.