On the stairs leading to the apartment, I sit.
A tea on one hand and my phone on the other.
I am outside the house but I am living in my own world, consumed by my happy thoughts.
Typing, smiling; typing, laughing.
I don’t utter a single word but I tweet a smiley or two.
There are no words to express how I feel. I am happy, contented, feeling blissful even. I am not worried about the next day or the next month. I am happy just living the moment.
Tomorrow, I will wake up early and run. I will welcome the world still half asleep with a big smile.
I will feel good.
I will go back home and check my phone. I will smile and prepare for work.
Oblivious to the world around me, I will put on my earphones and listen to my favorite playlist.
I will sing while swaying my head. I will enjoy the long walk and I will get lost in the music before I start chasing deadlines.
In between writing stories and fact checking, I will check my phone and smile.
In between writing stories and fact checking, I will go somewhere; I will meet someone; I will eat something nice; and I will feel good.
The day will end and I’ll be back to the staircase.
Back to my phone.
Back to my bed.
Before I close my eyes, I will smile.
I will sleep soundly, looking forward to the next day and the next month.
On the staircase leading to the apartment, I sit.
I feel the cool wind, I hear the kids shout.
I get my phone and type; I look around and wonder.
I don’t smile. I think. I look back.
I look up and hope and pray.
I want to be able to do this again without feeling sad.
I go back to my phone and contemplate.
I look at the photos and shake my head.
My feet dragged me back inside. The mosquitoes are feasting on my legs.
It’s still too early for bed.
I open my laptop and tried to write.
No such luck.
I lost my voice; I left my words somewhere.
I used to write long, now I write none.
Tonight, I am staring at the ceiling; counting sheep.
Tonight, just like any other night, I am thinking and hoping and praying.
I am wishing that tomorrow I will stop thinking.
I am wishing that tomorrow’s going to be busy, so busy that I will no longer have time to feel the pinch.
It takes a lot of self-control
Not to get my phone and sigh;
Not to think about the bliss that was once there;
Not to feel crushed, lost.
Tomorrow, I will get up two hours after my first alarm.
I will get ready for work but I will not check my phone until it’s time to leave.
I will pick a different playlist;
I will take a different route.
Tomorrow, I will hope and pray.
I will wish that it will be the day I have been looking forward to;
The day I no longer feel the pinch; no longer hear my heart breaking.