There are times I wish to be more expressive. My boss gave me a little gift last Friday and I was deeply touched I don’t know what to say. Here’s an excerpt from a note that went with the gift. “Got this tenugui from a shop in Japan that used dye used by samurai who went to battle. The dye helps heal WOUNDS. Kendoka (kendo fighters) don’t get open wounds though, SO DON’T TEST THIS PLS.”
He said the saying on the tenugui, “Hyakusen Renma,” reminds him of things I went through in this job. In means “Polished by 100 Battles” in English.
I know he was really touched when we did this Father’s Day surprise for him. All the feelings and gratitude I wrote in my message weren’t enough and I just couldn’t bring myself to expound more… because, feelings. He sent each of us an elaborate “thank you” message and I’d like to believe this little gift I got from him was an extension of that. He says BW wouldn’t have done it without me during the most trying times — when there were merely five or six of us functioning as reporters when there should be more than ten. What he doesn’t realize though is that I am eternally grateful for him and the other people at BW for giving me a chance to harness my skills and believing in my capability. I probably said this a lot of times already. I really don’t think I am that good. I know I’m diligent and persevering but they also dealt with my issues well. There are times that I really think about leaving. I blame this to the tiring daily ordeal and the occasional lack of drive. But I couldn’t deny that because of this job, I am able to deal with my daily issues better — because it teaches me to discipline myself and understand different kinds of people who are annoying most of the time. At the same time, I found really really good friends in this job. People I genuinely like and care about that even though I’m aware that everything is temporary and everyone’s bound to leave anyway, it made me feel happy somehow. These people, they are my lifeline now. Which brings me to the next realization. I’m happy that one of my closest friend at work will be transferring to another paper but will still be a reporter. That is really a relief. Another friend also decided to stay longer and keep up with her annoying boss, thank God. I wouldn’t know how to feel about them leaving and pursuing other jobs. That’s the thing, I decided not to invest so much anymore to people. I hope to succeed on this one because the new ones give me a lot of things to think about because I care? I don’t know. I’m also thankful for this friend who has always been there during the most vulnerable midnights of my life. I know people think that he’s very emotionally unstable and I agree but he’s really a good person and I think the way he reacts to things/situation somehow justifies the way some people treat him. Respect is not too much to ask and I hope people will understand him more. Anyway. Friday night was fun as we celebrated Mads life-changing decision. It will take some time before we’d be able to do this again, I’m sure.