I know I should blog about what makes me happy, as stated in my previous post. But I couldn’t help it. I don’t understand my feelings. I couldn’t write about happy things when I’m feeling the exact opposite.
Last Friday, I felt relieved after I finally shared some wandering thoughts with my cousin. Our conversation was extremely different than the usual. Yep. It was totally at the other side of the spectrum.
We were finally able to talk about the deepest secrets that we never brought to the table ever since we actually started talking. This one was different. I call it the naked truth.
Anyway, the relief was temporary. As expected. Today, I am feeling really blue.
I came to a conclusion that I really need a break — away from work, a diversion from my usual routine. Even though I had some three-day hiatus in the past couple of months, I couldn’t help but feel that those aren’t enough. I need a break, a real break.
There are some feelings I try to conceal, I try to keep hidden in the deepest part of my heart but they are just so persistent, they want to break free.
I could probably say that changes at work contribute to my unstable emotional state. I seem to resist these changes because, well, I don’t like them. I know we don’t always get the things that we want but these changes kill my drive. I tried to remind myself how much I enjoy doing this job and how lucky I am to have such good colleagues and friends, but still…
On top of the work-related dilemma, I had a really terrible experience over the weekend and I felt deeply offended. It was hard to keep it to myself so I pretty much ended up divulging the details to one of my closest friends. It somehow lightened the burden, but that moment somehow left an unexpected scar.
I also feel so much empathy for people I care about so the negative feelings just keep on adding up.
I don’t know but I’m feeling extra negative the past few days. Again, these could be just some of the bad days. But. But. But.
Whenever I feel sad, I distract myself. Tonight I chose shopping and it failed me. The prettiness of the clothes I bought weren’t able to overpower this lonely feeling.
Good days, good days, where are you? I miss you so bad.