My laptop went insane hours before deadline.
I was surprised that after a brief irritation and panic followed by periodic complaints that my malfunctioning laptop was eating my writing time, I was fine (or maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet?)
It was brought by my own carelessness that I spilled several drops of water on my very very sensitive keyboard. I slightly freaked out, immediately seeking reprieve through whatever available moisture absorbers I have. What I didn’t realize was that I should’ve turned it off and stopped using it to avoid whatever that shit that happened to spread the problem.
Later, I realized I was barely done with a story and decided to buy a portable keyboard and hair dryer as stop-gap measures. So being the hard-headed person that I am plus the fact that I am a reporter and I just couldn’t drop my work just like that, I still insisted on using my poor, poor laptop. And now, I’m quite sure there’s no other way to fix it than to bring it to a service center that charges too much and let it stay there for at least two weeks.
Now the problem? Two weeks are too much time, specially since all my stuff are tucked in my gadget and I am so so so comfortable using it, I didn’t even think of replacing it with a cheaper one. Buying something exactly the same crossed my mind but good thing my logic was not hazy when this shit occurred.
So anyway. My laptop is slightly worrying me, even though I know I have a back-up — although not handy. I’m planning to get it fixed in two days, not now, because I am still hoping that if I give it some time, it will come back. Like it has no other choice but cooperate and work with me because no way I’d be spending a month’s paycheck getting it fixed.
Such is life.
Most people try to fix damaged things instead of replacing them. It’s the emotional investment and the feeling that letting go is never the first option when things dear to you start to get cracks.
And I think there is nothing wrong with that because some things are worth fighting for; worth spending all your remaining investments in exchange for a promise of recovery.
But where do we draw the line? When do we know when it’s time to let things go, no matter how painful; or when it’s best to hold on?
I’m pretty sure people have a wide array of choices. Some just don’t want to start from scratch; some don’t want to acknowledge these choices; some prefer to act blind and just inhale the pain; some are just eternally hopeful; some just don’t know exactly what to do.
By this time, I’m pretty sure I have my own share of attachment concerns. Just the same that I’d rather wait and hope and pray that some things will work again with time and effort, because who doesn’t appreciate effort? Who doesn’t want that much attention and importance?
When it didn’t work out with the last guy I dated, I was devastated and I questioned my existence. After seven months, I was okay again but looking for someone to replace him didn’t even cross my mind.
A friend I met when we were still four left for abroad, I locked myself inside my dorm room and looked at out photos. I sent her tons of mushy messages and cried. I kept on wanting to visit her. I always remember her and always believed it would be easy if we are not oceans away.
When a friend from work finally decided to move on and transfer to another media organization, I spent most of the days before he left feeling nostalgic and appreciating him more. Even though we still talk, I couldn’t help but miss the fact that he no longer sits beside me on Sundays at work.
There were always signs. The messages from the guy I liked gradually lessened; my friend who went abroad became extra busy working on her requirements; my work friend became vocal about finally leaving.
Had I known things like this would affect me so much, I would’ve done something… I would have let go earlier.
But that’s the thing with feelings right? They are unpredictable. Sometimes too intense to carry, sometimes toe precious to let go