It’s All Coming Back

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It was raining hard and I was feeling shaky all over, but since somebody trusted me that much, I decided to go through with it.

One of my teachers in high school asked me to be their resource speaker in this leadership training seminar. I was taken aback, and I started thinking twice. While I was really an active leader during my high school years, and a somewhat small-scale leader in college, I was not sure then if I would be able to pull up the whole-day event. I was able to attend trainings like that in high school, but the speakers were always very smart, fun, witty, and successful. I, on the other hand, was average, kind of boring, and well, unemployed. So what was I supposed to do? I pitied myself.

But then again, I couldn’t say no because the teacher was so dear to me. So on one particular day, I studied some modules, researched about some activities, recalled the team buildings we organized in college, and built up my self-confidence while chanting “I can do this. God wants me to do this!”

I gathered up all the self-confidence and enthusiasm that I could muster and I went to the training with a USB, a pen, some index cards, and a day plan. I was so surprised when I learned that I was about to facilitate not only a hundred students, but twice as much! To some, it didn’t matter, but for me, it was such a great deal as I was not confident enough that I could get their attention with my “trying hard” ways.

I was nervous but I really tried my best to hide it because I had to show those students that I am a leader, or maybe even just, I was once a leader like them too!

As I began, the silence was breaking my heart. It’s as if I was not heard, but a few minutes later, the students started making noise, nodding their heads, and cheering! I was pretty sure they enjoyed the activities that I prepared, and at the end of the day, I was confident that even though some of them didn’t get the whole idea, most of them at least listened to what I had to say and participated enthusiastically to the activities I prepared. It was priceless, I felt so productive.

Then some words escaped my mouth. It was something like, “if you really want to be a leader. Go for it, because it always feels good to serve others. If you are passionate with doing such, eventually you’ll become great leaders..”

At the end of the day and the following days, I felt blissful and giddy because of the feedback. They liked it! I couldn’t believe some students and teachers were still talking about the success of the seminar a day after. I couldn’t believe that students will add me on facebook! Hahaha. I wish I could accept them all, they were all so cute!

Ah, the feeling of being appreciated!

And that made me miss my college days a lot. True, I had tons of responsibilities as one of the student leaders in high school, but my experience as the class president of a very active and very eager and very idealistic bunch of people in college taught me not only to serve people, and do things for them, but to love them as well.

All along, it’s not just the skills that you acquire and the practical things that you learn. What matters most is that you really feel that burning passion and sense of fulfillment when you do things for other people, because being a leader can only be heartfelt when there is genuine concern for others, and in my case, genuine love.

I was backtracking some messages a while ago and saw a couple of messages from my block mates in college, asking the homeworks, schedules of exams, and deadlines of articles, among other things. And reading them made me feel a zing of longingness. Now that I no longer have the obligation to update them, and do things for them (like fix schedules, coordinate with professors and the admin, photocopy materials), I want to go back, even just for a day, so that I could feel once again, once more, that I am a leader… in a very small group maybe, but it makes me feel really worthy, productive, and appreciated.

I just miss the feeling, the pressure, the people I work for and work with. I know that they no longer need me now. It’s just that, I miss them so bad and I miss doing things for them.

Wherever you are right now guys, even though we are taking different paths now, I just want you to know that whenever I pass by UST, I remember you. Whenever I see your names on my Facebook timeline, I smile and miss you. Whenever I think of planning parties, and team buildings, I wish that I am doing those things for you.

God. I missed you all so much and so bad that I want to hug you all so tight! 😦

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