Looking Back

So today is supposed to be our overnight, and for the past nine years of my life, I spent the 30th with my orgmates. This year, I am not, and this is odd. Besides the fact that I don’t have much time to attend the 5pm mass everyday, our org has been dissolved. In that org, I learned tons of things: to serve by being an org member and a lector, to eat sardines and itlog na pula + kamatis, to solicit money from people we don’t even know personally, to organize flowers and choose which goes to the vase or to the trash, to go from one barangay to another and go to places that I didn’t even know exist. There are just too many memories, that are now kept in the drawer of mementos.

Well, there is something wrong. That, I have to admit. Our org is supposed to be bound by our passion to serve Mother Mary, and our undying faith to God and Jesus – but instead, we are stuck together because of bonding and sense of belongingness. I can point out a lot of flaws but the closeness that has been formed through the years and the friendships that I created are nonetheless two of the best things that ever happened to my life. Even though some of our members (including myself sometimes) experience weak faith, each and every one of us still strives to be there, to work for the org, to sacrifice our supposed fun times, to serve.

I have to admit, I miss it so bad. I miss the way we do the karakol thingy inside the church everyday while wearing color-coordinated shirts. I miss the way we laugh over the simplest things during meetings and how we divide the work among the members. I love how we fight when one important thing is left undone. I love how we go from one particular house every night and watch tv shows, play games, eat, surf the internet, and just laugh out loud until our stomachs cannot take it anymore. I love that many of us found love within the org… and lost them, yet learned from them. (Shoutout to the last couple standing: Chey and Gelo!) I love how we listen to each other’s drama and gossips. I love the late night chikkas. I love how we celebrate birthdays: simple yet fun. I love how we stroll around the town. These memories… they are way too precious!

Funny that after I read the preceding paragraph, I realized something. I started with how I miss the org moments, but after a few lines, the word “miss” was replaced by “love”. It’s unintentional, so it’s probably brought by these real emotions.

I remember telling them jokingly: “Dito na ko tumanda at tumaba”. I joined when I was in 4th grade. I was thin, fair-skinned, and wimpy. Now I am like a little teapot… short and stout. Through the years, my personality developed until I was ready to take charge. The once elementary girl became an officer, and for some reasons, I never thought I could do it. An officer’s job is very tedious. There even came a time when there were only four of us (Myself, Aai, Glenn and Makdo) left to work, but we kept going. Nobody could stop us.

In the org, your life status has no relevance. It doesn’t matter if you repeat the clothes you just wore last week. Your gadgets, and branded stuff are merely things you own, and not things to be proud of…

So tomorrow is May 31st. It is supposed to be the celebration of our month-long ordeal – finally the culmination of our hard work. It is supposed to be the day we flaunt and sport our matching polo shirts with the shouting letters M, F, and O in them. It is the day that we are all required to wear sneakers and prepare to sweat out and act as marshalls… The day that we will listen at how the org worked together over the whole month through the president’s speech… The day we will sit and have fun, play with ice and water, drink to the success, and bond until the wee hours.

I have never foreseen that sooner or later, I have to let go of this org where I grew up. Sometimes, it’s just way too hard to detach. Whenever I attend the 5pm mass this month, I find myself teary-eyed, missing all those good times, that’s why I choose to attend 6pm masses, or attend mass in other churches. It’s bearable, not really killing my heart, but somehow it pinches the heart. After all those years – the task that you used to do was not assigned and entrusted to you anymore… because you’re incompetent and the foundation is just too weak.

But nonetheless, I am really thankful that at least once in my life, I met wonderful people – people who find happiness in the simplest things that life can offer.

Do we get another chance? I am not sure. Most of us are walking on different paths right now. So for the years to come, am I still going to feel emo-shit about this loss and unfamiliar feeling?

Side notes:
I intentionally left most verbs in the present tense.
I apologize for wrong grammars, and my poor semantics and syntax. I was writing this while I was in Mcdonald’s earlier. I don’t have much time. Will polish this soon. 🙂

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Alam ko ang pakiramdam na yan. 😦

    1. Stop the emoooooooo. 🙂

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