My high school friends know who I am… but my college friends know why.
It sucks to think that we barely have a month left. In a few weeks, we are going to face a bigger world and exit the four corners of the university – the place where we met; where we became friends; where we learned and grew together. It’s unimaginable living our own separate lives without seeing those people- those people who filled my four years in the university with happiness, empathy, sadness, fun and most of all, love… that incidentally made who I am now.
This week will be hell, I have to admit. Just this afternoon, I was ranting about how a professor could be so inconsiderate for giving us two time-consuming final requirements for one subject, when there are still tons of things to do for other subjects. I know, they share the same sentiments as mine, and we even tried to at least compromise (but to no avail). Nonetheless, we have to do those tasks… for the sake of passing and graduating. And it hit me again… one final week filled with academic requirements and then no more school-related ranting… and no more shared sentiments on stuff like that, perhaps.
Last Sunday night, my twitter feed was filled with funny, out-of-the-box, impossible, but at the same time comforting conversations among my blockmates-turned-friends. Even though I was on my solace, researching for a final paper, I checked the feed every now and then so as to cope with the conversation… and laugh, of course! It’s priceless because even though some of us were ranting about the coming hell week instead of actually working on the requirements, the pressure and stress seem to be bearable and because of my friends’ impossible normal ways of making people laugh and feel better, the things to do metaphorically becomes lighter.
Then I wondered what it would be like when we are finally working and the work turns out to be stressful. What if I rant on twitter and my friends could barely relate with my sentiments that I end up feeling self-pity because nobody is there who feels exactly the same? What if we become too busy with our own separate lives that we stop sharing the good vibes, the comforting laughter, and the worst jokes that used to make us laugh?
It will be different, I know. Life after college will never be the same. But I couldn’t imagine life without these people. After all, I spent four long years of my life with them and together we grew, we learned, we treasured and loved each other. It will feel odd. College is not yet done, but I already feel nostalgic. Where do we go from here? Are we going to be bound by our much-anticipated “barkada day”? Inasmuch as I am excited to explore the world of work, my grip with the relationships I have created in college is not ready to loosen up even just a bit. I couldn’t bear the thought. It’s the most tear-jerker thing at this moment when graduation is fast approaching.
When our professor in a weekend subject asked our affirmation that there are cases of “disparity” and conflicts in our class, just like companies that we were discussing then, nobody answered. Even I thought twice of saying yes for the first time (considering that when I have nothing else to say or feel bored in class, I would always agree with a professor just to show him or her that I’m at least paying attention). Because even though I have had several conflicts with several of my friends, I couldn’t even feel the anger or hate anymore. There is just something within our class that even the most irritating classmate turns out to be one of the nicest people in the class, or kindest. Even though you feel annoyed at someone, and that someone talked to you, asked you about something, and laughed with you – its as if the annoyance isn’t worth, and all you could feel is the joy and contentment that at least that person is around you, and you wouldn’t risk losing a friendship over a misunderstanding – no matter how simple or grave.
I speak for myself. I don’t know about others, but this is what I feel.
There is a certain priceless satisfaction that you feel when I have done something good for them, even without the good thing getting reciprocated. And there is much happiness answering their questions, helping them out, doing things for them – even though sometimes it could be annoying because at the end of the day, I end up smiling and thinking how lucky I am, not only to be their class president, but to be their friend as well. Most of them, actually, are very dependable, all ways and always! Shout out to you guys! You know who you are.
So this is probably the reason why I believe my high school friends know who I am, but my college friends know why. We spent a good deal of striving and growing together that we almost totally revealed ourselves to them. Those years made me whole… (same as what you are feeling while writing your poem, Debbie!)
So this is it, perhaps? Some melodramatic sentiments in the middle of chaotic final requirements. Seems fit! Good luck friends! We can do, we always do! ☺