Conundrums of a Senior in Distress

Blogging is my escape from the dungeon of reality.

Responsibilities are endless. It feels like I need another lifetime to carry out everything, perfectly. School’s hell. And even the question “How are you” seems to be so hard to answer.

I apologize to those people who text or message me online, asking me how I’m doing and yet I don’t bother to reply. I don’t know what to say. I’m tempted to tell you guys that I feel like I’m carrying a very heavy burden right now – school and family worries. Yet again, I hardly keep up with family occasions due to significant stressful school works.

Who knows that senior life could kill social life?

Besides my blockmates, I find it terribly challenging to nurture the relationships I have right now. It feels like I don’t have enough time no matter how eager I am to share stories with people I care about.

Lack of time. I couldn’t blame my inefficient time management alone. Yes, I go online. But with several tabs working – email (for resource persons for interviews and our publication matters), facebook and twitter (to talk with people I work with), online news sites (five of them for our data gathering in thesis), google (for research work) and sometimes, my blog.

Tweeting and blogging can be reflexes sometimes.

I seriously want this month to end, cause it’s really hell month. Days are hell lot of busier.

What to blame?

My laziness. This, I cannot explain. Even though I work for school works day by day, I find it hard to love and indulge in what I am doing. Its as if I am separated from my passion. It kills me. and it hurts… it hurts that I don’t like what I’m doing.

How will this prepare me for the real world? Actually, this laziness gave me a realization – that I’m actually learning more when I’m outside. During my internship days, I did not spend a day in class listening to a teacher. I’m always out, doing some legwork – interviews, shoots, and researches. And those days slowly shaped the way I wanted to be in the future. It’s as if I am certain what I’d do, where I’d work. But after encountering, yet again, another distressful semester, I am wondering again if it is right to pursue a course I did not intend to take in the first place.

But what’s a semester and a month. I know, its challenging, and hard, and not satisfying… but I hope someday, I’ll have time with my passion and fall in love with it over and over.

Sorry for the cluttered thoughts.

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