Neglect and Regret

My routine is to spend time with him at least once a week, and talk to him at least once a day. In that way, I know, I am always in touch with him. I can feel his love and he inspires me to go on with life, no matter how difficult circumstances may be.

But school is busy. And I couldn’t help but somehow neglect him and forget to talk to him. I did not even visit him for two straight weeks. I had lots of things to do then, packing, academic requirements, and seeing my high school friends. Well, I actually decided to skip last week’s visit because I knew, the following days will be busier and I would not have much time to see my dear high school people. I spent almost half of my day with them, and I haven’t talk to him that day, or even the night before. I just forgot. I felt pre-occupied.

Last Monday, we’ve got an important event at home – the house blessing. Well, I sort of visited him, not merely to make up for the lost visit. I knew that I just need to and I was left with no other options. I also knew that the day will be long, and I wouldn’t find much time to visit him again or even talk to him. Life’s busy, well.

But then it occurred to me that morning. While I was talking to him, I was in tears. I couldn’t really understand at first, but the days of neglect gave me a feeling of guilt. Because I knew, I knew deep down in my heart that I took him for granted. That all along, he was just there waiting for me to call, to visit, to keep in touch. He knew he is the answer to my tempest emotions, and he’s been trying to help me – I just did not let him.

After that talk, I realized what I have lost. I realized that I should not do that, that somehow, he’s still the one I can always run to. I realized that he still love me, despite my neglect, despite my shortcomings, despite of being consumed by my selfish desires. I love him. I just love him.

I am so sorry. I wanted to make it up to you, and of course, I will try my best to talk to you everyday. I will continue the visits, and I will stay still for you… I know you are always there for me, and I know I should also be there for you, although you might not need me. You love me, I know it. And I realized that you are the answer to all my questions, that you are the cure to my illness, the solutions to my issues, the filler to my shortcomings. I am sorry, and I promise to stay still. I promise not to neglect you anymore, and live my life with you being the biggest part of it. I love you! I love you! I will visit you on Sunday, I promise. No excuses!

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